After reading that the Clinton’s have pulled in roughly $100 million in speaking fees over the last ten years or so I thought I would give it a shot. After all, if I could write one good speech, I could probably be able to use it a least a dozen times, with just minor tweeks (like “Good morning, amalgamated coal miners” instead of the prior days “Good evening Americans for Wind-Powered Tomorrow” which could be a problem). Then once I get established I could even hire someone to write the speeches for me, then hire someone else to review the speechto make sure I agreed with whatever was written. This would be the life!
So not having a thousand lobbying groups, high priced financial types, or foreign governments on my contact list to set up speaking engagements, at least not yet, I decided my first paid speaking event would be in front of my children. The subject: Efficient Time Management.
“Why would we want to listen to that?” complained my youngest.
“Because I have knowledge and insight on this topic that you don’t” I replied
“I could goggle that and get lots of different insights” said my older daughter.
“But it wouldn’t be my opinion.” I said.
“Was that what you were doing on your computer earlier? Searching for your opinion?’
“Don’t be ridiculous. Now let’s talk about my speaking fee.”
“What? I thought you were going to pay us to listen to you.”
“That’s not how it works. You pay me to listen and learn from my vast store of knowledge and wisdom.”
“That you found on the internet an hour ago….?”
“I may have searched for some background material to enhance my special and unique knowledge.”
“So if we pay you like a dollar to listen to this, will you promise to take us to the movies next weekend?”
“That would unethical. I couldn’t take your money with the expectation of giving you something back later on.”
“Then we’re out.” My children said and rose to leave the room along with the hopes of my public speaking career.
I sighed inwardly. I doubt the Clintons ever had to deal with this. Plus wherever they spoke probably had really good buffet dinners and open bars.
“Ok, ok. It’s a deal.” My kids sat back down and I grabbed my speaking notes from the table then glanced up at my audience. “Just don’t tell your mom.”